I cannot even begin to fathom the amount of weird stuff that cops see in the field every day. Just think about the bizarre stuff you see on a normal trip to the grocery store, then imagine being a cop and actually getting calls to respond to the weirdest of the weird on an hourly basis. You’d see society completely peeled back, at its absolute craziest.
These are the types of stories that hundreds of police officers shared over on an AskReddit thread asking ‘what’s the weirdest thing you’ve caught teenagers or kids doing that is illegal but you found hilarious?’, and some of these stories are about to change the way you look at your neighbors…So let’s get scrolling!
So one of my friends is in a frat. They were having a party, and some guy was dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow. Awesome, I know. Anyways, the cops show up, and the party is on the third floor. Capt. Sparrow looks at them when they come in, throws open the window and yells, “Gentlemen, you will forever remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.” And jumped out the window. Broke both legs, still got his Minor In Possesion.
Not illegal but certainly weird:
Got a noise complaint call where the neighbors inform dispatch the parents are out of town and suspect underage drinking and or possible drug use. (These types of calls are the worst because you can almost guarantee someone is puking in the back of your car and you’ll have to write a buttload of local ordinance paper). We roll up, throw the overheads on to scatter as many as possible and make a slow walk up to the front door. We play the “nobody’s home” game for awhile until one of the kids lets my partner in the back door.
We subsequently find around 12 teenagers and what appears to be multiple bottles of rum and vodka as well as several baggies containing marijuana and some pills. Upon further inspection, we find the liquor bottles have been emptied and filled with water, the marijuana is actually oregano and parsley and the pills were just aspirin. They were having a pretend party to put on social media but the strongest thing in the room was a Redbull.
EDIT: Shit I forgot the best part: this was shortly after the Movie Superbad came out and we had a pool going for the first guy to break up a party and use that line “I assume you all have crack and guns on you.” (Or something similar) I said it and it was witnessed but the guys refused payment based on how pathetic of a “party” it was.
Not illegal but here is my go to story
I was called to a residence where the (f)complainant stated that a child from down the street had brought an item to their house and the she was at a loss.
Upon arrival I made contact with complainant and she relayed this story. “I was washing dishes and I looked out the window where all the girls (neighborhood girls between 6-9 yrs old) were playing on the trampoline. They were using a large rubber penis shaped device to hit each other. I ran out and grabbed it and turned it off”
The kids had no clue what it was and in their defense it was purple with sparkles and other inlays. Kinda pretty if not for the fact it was a 10″ rubber dildo.
Well I secured the item in an evidence bag and no crime having been committed I made a command decision to return it to the owner. I took it and rolled it up in said evidence bag in such a way it would unroll when held by the top. I then knocked on the dildo-owners door and when she answered I snapped it down. Using by most curt cop voice I said. “Ma’am your daughter secured your personal item and was accosting your neighbors children with it about the face and neck. At this time your neighbor does not wish to pursue charges, however I will need you to sign this evidence form (it was very detailed description) so I can return your personal item.”
I have never seen someone show so much embarrassment and humiliation as that lady did. She could not even speak or look at me. The best part was this other lady that was deeper in the residence that kept insisting on knowing what was going on.
I’ve posted this before but I always find it hilarious cause my dad is a goofy fun guy. He’s been a cop for almost 30 years now and he loves his job cause he gets to be out in the community and make a difference. The guy is gonna retire next month and he’s stoked he gets to play battlefield and go on vacation.
Anyway, he gets a call one night about some teenagers vandalizing a park. Dispatch lets him know that its a lady that calls 24/7 thinking she’s the neighborhood watch. So as he cruises in towards this park he comes in all lights blacked out and watches from a distance. After a couple minutes of watching he realizes these people are playing hide and seek. They also look a little older than just teenagers. He gets out of a car and sneaks up to some of them hiding in a group behind some trees and bushes. My dad hunkers down behind them and one of them looks back and sees him. The kid freaks out and starts to run and my dad grab’s him and says “Dude shut up or the other team will find us!” The guys crack up cause now they realize my dad is down to win this game. He ends up playing hide and seek with this group of 21 year olds for the next hour.
The best part was about 6 months later. I’m having a Halloween shindig at my house and my dad stops by cause he wants to score some burgers off us while he’s at work. He walks in and a guy at the party is like “Holy shit, your dad is officer ****! He played hide and seek with us!”
Here’s a follow up to that story, not one about cops finding teens doing weird things. This is one about cops being cool in a sex shop:
I have a similar story about a cop being cool. I work at a BDSM shop in thevery area of my town between the really nice and really bad parts. Two on duty cops came in, and were really curious about what everyrhing does. I spent an hour explaining ball crushing devices, speculums, floggers, clamps, you name it. We then walked over to the dildo section and I warned the female cop to be careful of the purple one on the end, as it shocks you. ‘Really?’ She asked, very curious. So naturally, I asked her if she wanted to try it. She grabs it and screamed at the top of her lungs while I giggled furiously. I did warn her. The best part though? She bought a blindfold and a hog slapper with the word PIG cut out of it, so it would leave a bruise with the word pig on it…
My brother was a cop who worked nights in Minneapolis. One snowy night near the UofM campus he noticed a car weaving, so he pulled them over thinking there would be alcohol involved. Nope it was a car full of deaf people having an argument which included the driver…..he just told the driver to not sign and drive……
While in College we got the police called on us for a violent crime in progress.
When they pounded on our door we opened and they barged in. The neighbor reported hearing people yelling things like, ‘Shut up you little c*nt I’m going to rape your f**king twelve year old ass!’ Along with a girl screaming profanity. When the cops saw it was three guys and a girl drinking and playing Halo the one just looks at the others in sheer disbelief.
The cop starts to tell us they were called in for a rape in progress and tell us how we need to be more careful and whatnot because it could have ended badly. During this time my friend is still on the headset and the other guys we were playing with are wondering what the hell is going on and are hassling him…and then my friend says with the cop in the room, ‘We were apparently raping you fuckers so badly somebody had to call the cops.’ And the cops just can’t hold it in and start cracking up.
They did give us a noise warning but no citations.
My brother was once jumping his bike off the end of the public boat dock behind the city hall which also housed our police station, they had it tethered so it wouldn’t get lost on the bottom.
A cop came out, watched for a while and said, “I’m fairly certain something about that is illegal, but I can’t figure out what and it looks like fun, so be safe” and walked back inside.
NSW Police officer (Australia), 7 years. (Resigned, shit money – since everyone always asks)
We got a call about kids (probably 11-12YO) jumping across back yards. They were looking for things to steal I guess.
We searched for them for about 15 minutes. Just as I was starting to get bored with it, I hear laughing coming from a drain pipe. It’s aout 4ft tall. My mate and I decide to head in. About 30m down the tunnel I come see this kid bent over on all fours, pants down around his ankles. His mate is bent over, sitting on his back spreading the first kid’s butt cheeks. There is a 3rd kid kneeling next to the first kids butt holding a lighter.
They were in the midst of doing blue angels (lighting farts) in a dark tunnel…
I had no fucking clue what to say.
We told them to come out of the drain with us. I advised them not to tell any of their other friends what they had gotten up to since they would probably get the wrong reputation and drove them within a block of one of the kid’s houses so the parents didn’t know they had been caught
A few years ago a friend and I were walking home through a residential estate, drunk, after a night out. About half way home a police car pulls up next to us and says they need to talk to us. They say that CCTV in the area had observed us entering several front gardens.
We then drunkenly explained that we had been going in to peoples gardens and swapping around flower pots, hanging baskets and garden ornaments with their next-door neighbours.
One of the cops was laughing a lot and the other seemed really confused. Luckily they got another call and let us carry on our way.
It wasn’t illegal, but really suspicious. I was a cop in the air force. We had just gone into a higher FPCON (threat level) and around 11:00 at night I saw three people in an empty dark field near some power lines with shovels and a garden hoe. My partner and I decided to stop them and see what was going on, because it didn’t look like civil engineering or anyone that should be there at that hour. So we go up, see that they’re all about 14-15 years old and they’re all sweating and out of breath. We ask what they’re digging for, and the say there weren’t digging, which after looking around we didn’t see any dug up dirt. So my partner asks what they’re doing, and the hesitantly answer that they were LARPing. One of their dad’s shows up and scolds them, telling them how shady they look, apologizes to us and we send them all back to the dad’s house, which was about a hundred yards away. I hold back my laughter until I get back to the car, where I have to explain to my partner what LARPing is and why I’m laughing.
I didn’t catch them, but when I arrived at my first station, after graduating from the academy, I was talking to some of the guys who had been there a while. i asked if they knew my cousin, who lived in that patrol area. Turns out they did.
They had a call a few years back,of some kids driving around , pulling up next to cars at traffic lights, and waving a huge dildo at the drivers, laughing hysterically, then driving off. They were pulled over, brought down to the station, and parents were notified. There was one old timer who was a bit of dick, telling me that my cousin was a pervert, as where his friends, but the others guys said they thought it was hilarious when it happened, and they never charged the kids with anything. I still mess with my cousin about that when I see him.
And last but not least, this one’s a long read…
I’m not a cop, but I have one story from when I was a kid that left three cops in stitches. I was pretty young, maybe 8 years old at the time, and I had a brother a few years younger than me. We had a babysitter who I’m going to call Danny. Danny was 17 or 18, was an assistant martial arts instructor, and had placed in the youth world championships for his particular martial art. To a couple of young boys, he was an absolute badass. We had the coolest babysitter on the block and everyone knew it.
Danny would wrestle with us because roughhousing is kind of what kids do (or at least we did). He was really great about it and nobody ever got hurt, although we did break some things around the house occasionally, which he always fessed up to when my parents got back.
On this particular day, however, he was chasing us as we ran away and I pulled my brother into a bathroom on the second floor and slammed the door. The latch clicked just as his full weight hit the door, jamming the lock. We tried to get the door open from both sides, but it would not budge. Afraid he would have to explain to my parents why the fire department had to chop our door down, he started brainstorming other ways to get us out.
To this day I don’t know how he got up there, but there was a tiny, decorative protrusion of brick wrapping around the second floor of the house, maybe an inch and a half wide. He managed to reach it and shimmy, mission impossible style, all the way around to where the window to the bathroom was. Because he is a badass. The neighbors must have seen him and thought he was a burglar trying to find an unlocked window and they called the police.
Meanwhile, we let him in and he uses a screwdriver to take the entire doorknob off. 5 minutes later… click and the jammed latch pops back out. We all go downstairs. Cue the arrival of the calvary. We see police lights in the back alley from the kitchen, and then a knock at the front door. Police had surrounded the house. I lived in a pretty small, safe, and close knit town, and we rarely ever had any actual crimes. This burglary was probably the most exciting thing that was going to happen all month, so every squad car responded. Every. Single. One. Danny, sensing something was up, told us to wait in the kitchen while he went to the door. Being disobedient little shits, we snuck into the hallway and peeked around the corner. I will never forget the exchange that followed:
Officer 1: “Sir, would you please step out of the building with your hands raised?”
Danny: “Wait, wait. What the heck is going on?”
Officer 2: “You tell us.”
Danny proceeds to explain that he was babysitting kids who had trapped themselves in a room and that he needed to get into the room to get them out of the room. They clearly aren’t buying it and he’s starting to sweat. And then Officer 3 arrives, and bursts out, “Danny, what are you doing here?”
Apparently Danny trained Officer 3 at the martial arts studio, and they knew each other pretty well. IN fact, Danny also babysat his kids from time to time. Officers 1 and 2 are more at ease now, and Danny goes on to explain the alleged break in once more. Just as he finishes, my brother races around the corner and runs up to the Officers at the door and holds up the doorknob.
He says, “Here you go. We’re sorry we broke it. But can we have Danny back now? I don’t want him to go to jail!”
All at once, all three of them burst out laughing. I mean, doubled over, pounding-their-knees-with-their-fists laughing. Choking back tears, Officer 3, who I guess was the supervisor or something, radios everyone to stand down. I bet that one was fun for him to explain to my parents, but it was well past my bedtime when they got home so I wasn’t there to witness it.
Edit: A few people have asked if he ever babysat again. Yes. He was like an older brother to me and we’re still very close to this day (This all happened over a decade ago). He got married last year and my brother and I were among the groomsmen.
This thread originally appeared on BroBible.