If someone asked if your family was crazy, you’d probably say yes. If someone asked you that after you had just read all of the stories listed in this collection, you’d probably say you were the most normal family in the world.
Everyone deals with issues growing up, but some of us have it undoubtedly harder than others. The great thing about capitalism is that it allows us not to be detained by lot in life we were given as children. Even if our mother is an ax murderer or your entire family pledges allegiance to a cult, you can still go on to lead a normal, if not wildly successful, life. The only catch is that it probably won’t be as easy for you as it would if, say, your mother and father weren’t criminals and provided you with a stable home life.
That being said, we can all benefit to think about how easy we have it compared to others. A recent Reddit thread asked a rather serious question of its usually silly audience: what is the darkest secret you know about a family member? Take a moment to read over the answers these people gave and feel MUCH better about the lot in life you were given. Then use that positive energy to go out and start a company, land your dream job, or whatever it is that you want to do that you’re not doing because it’s “too hard”. If these people can survive these dark situations, you can too.
1. My great uncle has been cheating on his wife for over a decade with a woman in another county. Every weekend he leaves to go to ‘work’, but he has been caught out numerous times, and we know what he’s up to. His wife and kids just accept it now, which is kinda sad.
2. One of my cousins hired a hitman to murder his uncle. It worked.
3. My step-father since childhood is sexually and romantically attracted to me, and would leave my mom to be with me.
4. My wife’s grandmother was a black widow. Married 3 men, buried 3 men, and the family won’t talk about it. My wife thinks I’m crazy. Grandma was a nurse in the 40’s with ample access to all sorts of drugs and chemicals. She marries bachelor #1, a doctor. He’s an assole (but rich) and dies of a heart attack shortly after being given his evening drink. The police did some investigation of grandma, but nothing proven.
Grandma moves to a new state and marries rich bachelor #2… he becomes abusive, then suddenly dies of a heart attack.
Grandma moves to a new state and marries bachelor #3. He supposedly commits suicide by drinking alcohol combined with a muscle relaxant causing… wait for it… heart attack.
While cleaning out her house we found a box containing every news article about all 3 deaths. The similarities are astounding, but without any cross state sharing of data, only the first was ever investigated.
I have no proof except something grandma said one time about a cousin’s abusive husband. “She should just take him out and find someone better.”
5. Great uncle and aunt had a son who came out as gay. They disowned him. He later caught AIDS and died.
It’s treated like this huge secret scandal in my family. I didn’t know about it for a long time
6. I was helping my grandmother clean her attic and come across a box with old legal papers, I’m a nosey little shit so I take a break and read through them. Found a document adopting her 4 kids out to a family, her reasoning was she had a fatal brain tumor. Thought this was weird so I kept digging. Found another document where she took the family to court to get her kids back, had to confess the brain tumor was a lie and she did it because the man she was with didn’t want kids.
The reason she took the family to court to get her kids back: the adoptive father was habitually molesting them, including my uncle. She apparently found out because my grandmother and her new man were living close enough that my mom ran away from her adoptive parents to my grandmothers house and told her everything. It’s hard pretending you don’t know…
7. My cousin D has some issues. She is addicted to Oxy, and currently has two children who could be taken away any day now. She steals constantly. My Aunts live near her, and they had to take her key away because she kept pawning stuff from their house (presumably to buy drugs). She even sold one of their cars once.
D was always taken care of by my great grandparents, and, after they both passed, she was left everything (This was before the drugs). She pretty much sold all of their belongings and kept the house. My grandfather, as far as I know, was unable to retrieve any of his mother’s belongings.
D also molested someone in our family by asking them to “Do what her boyfriend does.”
D will be in jail soon.
8. I recently discovered that my brother who committed suicide also attempted to use his suicide to get even with my mother. His plan failed because he didn’t understand how life insurance works.
My brother was a teacher and about 10 years after his death, I accidentally uncovered his plot through one of his students. It was very ugly and would have destroyed my mother had his plan worked.
9. My great grandfather killed two people and the only person who knew was his wife and myself. I found out after he died when I found his journal in the house. I was the only one really close to him because the family knew he killed his wife. That’s the first thing. No one could prove it, and it was a mercy killing as she had cancer and assisted suicide wasn’t a thing. He was my grandfather though and I loved him. I was told not to spend time with him but did.
When he died I was in his wood shed. He spent a lot of time out there whittling and no one thought to check for valuables out there. The family gutted the house and his son put it up for sale. Out in the wood shed was his journal in a tool box. I read it from cover to cover. He was bullied for years by someone from another family and he eventually drowned him in a creek and left him there. They found his body weeks later after it was washed up elsewhere. They said it was a swimming accident. The journal said he told his wife, who then used this information to get him to kill her because she didn’t want to live any longer but couldn’t get into heaven if she killed herself. The whole thing was so fucked up. I still love my grandfather but goddamn.
10. I read a blog post about a cult in America, known for exploiting young and vulnerable women, where my Uncle’s wife is described as the leader’s ‘favorite girl.’ Nobody in my family knows she was a part of this cult but I did some research into it. Turns out she named her first born son after the leader, weird.
11. For the longest time, I thought I was named after my father. Found out a few years ago that I’m actually named after a stillborn baby that my father had in a previous marriage that was named after him. My mother named me after that baby, against my father’s wishes.
12. My dad left my mom because she was cheating on him.
With a minor.
13. I went to Amsterdam with my younger brother. He’s married to a lovely women and has 2 kids. While there he fucked a huge muscular transvestite prostitute both giving and receiving. We get drunk sometimes and talk about it. Cocaine’s a hell of a drug.
14. My older cousin is very wealthy, lives in the nice part of town, has a beautiful wife, healthy kids, and a luxurious life style. Apparently, the first kid his wife and he had had down syndrome and they gave her up for adoption because of it, instead of the lifestyle. No one talks about it and I don’t know if the kids he has now know about it.
And last but certainly not least…
15. This is actually a story about several family members, and I have decided that I would never divulge this to anyone–not even my SO, I don’t care if we got married. Something about this toxic legacy makes me feel like I myself am tainted by this bullshit so I like to hide this family secret in some really deep dusty old memory bin.
My mom was raped when she was 14 and gave birth to a son. The father of the kid was alleged to be some random guy in her hometown and he was disgraced after the kids birth. My mom gave the kid up for adoption, and he was taken care of by close relatives–my grandpa would become his legal guardian. This is in the deep South and abortion was wrong–no exceptions. OF course, thats not the only sterotypical Southern trope you’ll find rings true in this story but we’ll get there.
The kid grows up, and he’s kind of fucked up. He’s a huge troublemaker and just can’t stay on the straight and narrow. My mom never really wanted anything to do with him, and we all knew he was aware of this. More than likely it contributed to his behavior issues. I was a little kid when I met him, and he was much older by about 10 years. He didn’t like me, and I didn’t like him.
My mom died and that was the last I heard of him. We all moved on and I lived with my dad following her death. I always wondered why my mom hated the kid so much.
One day, I was getting wasted with a cousin of mine and she started talking about an uncle I’d never met who lived in fucking Seattle, WA. He moved really far away to be away from his family and I simply never knew him. Well, my cousin was really drunk and she looked me in the eye and said “It’s time you knew something”. She pulled out two photos, one of the uncle I didn’t know and one of my older half-brother, the kid my mom hated.
They looked exactly the fucking same.
Yep, turns out the guy who raped my mom at 14 and got her pregnant wasn’t the poor sap riding around town. It was my fucking uncle, my mom’s older brother.
If you’re wondering how my mom died, well she killed herself. After learning that, its not hard to imagine why.
TL;DR My older half-bro is also my cousin.