About a year ago I finally decided to get out on my own for good and true because living with other people causes me unending stress, but the only way to get into a place quickly was to take a unit on the edge of the not-so-nice district of town. I figured since there was a police station literally across the road I would be safe. Needless to say, I don’t live there any more.
At first everything seemed fine. I got all my stuff moved in, started learning how to cook stuff more complicated than chicken soup, it was all good. Most everyone in my row of units tended to keep themselves to themselves. Apart from my neighbour on one side having noisy shower sex at two in the morning, everyone left me alone.
Except this one dude. He was in the unit on the other side from the shower sex people, and he was, in retrospect, way too enthusiastic to have a single lady moving in next door. He was constantly coming over just to ‘say hi’ and ‘see how I was settling in’ and often had to be physically pushed out the door. He often stank of booze and took advantage of the summer weather and sealed windows (no shit, this place had locked windows and tenants didn’t get keys to them) to come wandering in when I was working. He drove me nuts, but seemed relatively harmless.
The first sign that something wronger than the guy being completely unable to get the message to fuck off and leave me alone was when the cops came around to try and serve a warrant on him. I don’t know exactly what came of that, but he swore blind they’d actually been after the previous tenant and he hadn’t come out because he was sleeping. Which in retrospect I was a fucking idiot for believing, because I am a heavy sleeper and they woke /me/ up.
Then he asked if he could use my computer to check his email because his was ‘in the shop’. I let him because it got him to shut up and let me work faster. I didn’t think much of this until one night when he and the guy from the unit on the other side of him got a bit drunk and came over asking to watch Top Gear. The other guy was very nice and friendly, even drunk, but he got louder and more and more raucous until he crossed the line and made some jokes about raping the other guy. I told him not to make those jokes and to get out, and while he was leaving I heard the words “I’m not fucking joking, I’ll rape him if he doesn’t shut the fuck up.”
Next day I spoke to the other dude and found out his computer had been confiscated by the police. The neighbour then promptly disappeared for a month, and I had the real estate agents asking me if I had any idea where he’d gone and why he wasn’t paying rent. He then promptly reappeared, paid his owing rent, and went around boasting that he’d had so many parking tickets they’d arrested him. I don’t know much about the law but I know you don’t get a month in jail here for tickets.
I still would have let it pass, except I came down with the gastric flu and was very, very, very sick for a week, and every time the neighbour turned up I had to tell him to go away. This week was also the week a tornado hit upstate and the heavy winds caused a lot of property damage all over our city and between the noise and the flu I didn’t get more then about ten minutes sleep for the entire week. The neighbour turned up at 11pm one night demanding to let me in, and in my miserable, sick, sleep-deprived state, I told him to FUCK RIGHT OFF.
The next day the seat and tyres of my motorcycle were cut to ribbons. Even though the police and I both knew damn well who did it, without any physical evidence or a witness they couldn’t actually do anything.
Revenge was now going to be mine.
First I let neighbour use my computer again. He had a habit of not signing out of his email, so instead of doing what I usually did and signing out for him, I left him logged in, and called an old school friend. Said school friend is now a cop. I explained the situation to him, and as soon as I named names he told me to stay logged in and he’d be right over.
Two hours later my computer was being examined by a police department technician who downloaded pretty much everything the guy had ever written to anyone. I didn’t see much but what I did see was fucking sick. I then gave statements to a few officers, and found out that when neighbour was in jail for ‘parking tickets’ he was actually in trouble for drugging and trying to sexually assault a girl in a local bar and had only gotten out because his mum had posted bail, despite him being a registered sex offender. The prison he’d been in didn’t even have a low security wing. He’d obviously lied to the real estate agents about what was actually going on because any criminal record beyond parking or speeding tickets made them reject you for rental.
Neighbour was arrested again for something they’d wanted to pin on him but hadn’t been able to until they got the emails, I got subpoaenaed as a witness, and he got carted off to await trial.
And then, just to add insult to injury, my policeman friend called the real estate agents about his record and he got evicted.
I saw him in court last week when I gave my testimony, and he lost his shit when he realised I was the one who’d finally gotten the police the evidence they needed to send him down. I then got the glorious pleasure of hearing him sentenced to ten years.
However, there’s an even better twist. With the amount of evidence they found and the degree of his sentencing, it was enough to get him deported back to his home country (the prosecutor wouldn’t disclose where to me for confidentiality reasons, but I’m guessing it’s somewhere Germanic).
It turns out there was a reason the asshole was here. Or, rather, seven counts of rape and three of assault waiting for him in his home country. Rather than serve out his term here, the government decided to send him back home to face the music.
As I speak he’s in jail in his home country awaiting trial. Fucking glorious.
This article originally appeared on Reddit.